Where would you rather be?
Anywhere, anywhere but here.
When will the time be right?
Anytime but now…
~Double Agent – Counterparts
Some of you may have noticed I’ve not posted in awhile, but to be honest with you all, I’ve been too damn depressed to even bother with Face Book, much less coming up with something cogent to post here.
A few months ago, I was laid off from a job I loved and had been at for almost 11 years because its sister company crashed and went boom. They closed their doors 3 weeks ago, so there is no hope of going back now.
These days I’m working as a pharmacy tech at a major retailer, for half the pay, crappier hours, and having to put up with being bullied at my place of employment, with no hope of a better situation at this time. Trust me, I’m still looking for something in the health care field – something I’ve been working in since 1986. On the days where I have to work, I gird my grit and prepare for a day of being bullied by coworkers (depending on who is scheduled with me) and putting up with customers who curse me out because they can’t get their narcotics a few days early because their dog ate them or whatever. We get no breaks other than a 30 minute lunch, which is usually spent crying in the car and chasing down a couple of Ativan with a Red Bull and eating some cheese and crackers and listening to NPR. Traffic is so bad that there’s no point in going anywhere to get anything, money is tight, and I’m usually so upset by the time my break comes that driving wouldn’t be a good idea anyway.
Days off consist of catching up on laundry (if I can find the motivation), staying in my pajamas, and hiding in my office raising baby dinosaurs in a game called Ark. Hatching and raising babies doesn’t require much thought – just popping meat or berries into their inventory depending on if they are carnivores or herbivores – and takes several hours to raise from a hatching that needs hand feeding every few seconds to one old enough to eat from a trough less frequently. I’m too depressed to actually go out and do anything, read anything, practice playing my bass, or anything else that requires any concentration or planning, and I wish I knew what to do to change it. Yes, I’m still looking for other work, but having no luck. If only things could go back to where they were just 8 short months ago *sigh*
On the edge of sleep,
I was drifting for half the night
Anxious and restless,
pressed down by the darkness
Bound up and wound up so tight
So many decisions, a million revisions
Caught between darkness and light…